


The Journal

by DreamingIsReality



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: BoyxBoy, Character Death, Cute, Diary/Journal, Gay, Past Relationship(s), Past Tense, Sad, Sad Harry, its just sad, larry - Freeform, stylinson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-05
Updated: 2014-01-05
Packaged: 2018-01-07 12:50:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1120013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamingIsReality/pseuds/DreamingIsReality
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As my body shoke with sobs, I couldn't find it in myself to stop; it hurt to much. </p><p>Harry couldn't bear it anymore; he didn't know why he did it. Nothing was making sense. Why did his best friend, boyfriend, love of his life kill himself?</p><p>Harry was distraught, he couldn't function properly and that’s exactly how he found it. He found what he assumed was Louis's most prized possession. He found his journal.</p><p>Harry then began reading the journal, and a part of him hates that he is reading all of Louis's secrets but, another part just wants to know why his love did what he did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Journal

**Author's Note:**

> Italics are the writing in the journal, okay?

As my body shoke with sobs, I couldn't find it in myself to stop; it hurt to much.

Everything hurts not just physcially but mentally and emotionally as well, hell you might think i'm being dramtic but i'm not.

I just lost the love of my life and theres nothing that me nor anyone can do about it. As I stood on shaky limbs my hands went towards the wall, keeping my shaking body from falling over. As I made my way towards the bathroom looking rather pathetic might i add; but I didn't care because its not like anyone would make fun of me. Hell, the only one that would be around to make fun of me is gone now, and he's never coming back.

I can't take it anymore as i step foot into our room, the room smells so much like him. Everything is just as he left it and i can't take myself to touch a thing. I slowly move towards the bed but my legs get out just before I can make it to the bed. Sobs break through my body as tears run down my face like a water fall. As i lay there curled up in a ball on the floor i open my eyes, looking straight under Louis's bed and its only then that I noticed it. A torn, leather brown book lay, burried within many clothes.

Moving a shaky hand out to grab it, I quickly sit up and let my fingers trace the unfamilar book. Slowly but surely i opened the book on to wish i hadn't. Inside was Louis's handwritting and this could only be his journal. Looking at the ceiling i whispered, "I'm sorry Lou." and with that I opened the book and began to read.

_Dear Journal,_

_I can't take this much longer... I just want to be one i am, is there something wrong with that? I there something wrong with wanting to be yourself? because thats all I ever wanted, but sadly I never got to do it. During my school years everyone I knew was a homophobic which really sucked for me, but what could I do about it? And then I went and tried out for X Factor thinking that maybe, just maybe I could be who I want to be. But once again my dreams were crushed. I was sent home and then got asked to come back and all I can remember was thinking ''what the hell is going on?" and then i was on stage with another four lads. A few minutes later i was put into a group with thesed lads and i remember jumping into Harry's awaiting arms, smiling like no tomorrow. That day I was happy, happier than i've been for awhile._

I smiled as i remembered the day that we've been put together, nothing could have ever bet that feeling. Turing back towards the book i once began to sliently read.

_Thinking back on it whenever I was with the boys i always felt happy and excited; they knew the truth about me and never judged. Everything with the boys was perfect, i felt nothing but love especially from one; Harry. I knew from the moment I meet Harry that we'd get along and oh did we get along. Everything with Harry moved so fucking fast._

_It was like one moment were friends and the next were kissing and then we are saying ' i love you's' and then we were making love. Everything with him was utter bliss. I can remember my first kiss with Harry as if it was yesterday. We just got through to week four and I remember we were all so happy and when we got back to our shared room, we were cuddled up on the bed_

_.We were talking about how fun it was on stage and about how lucky we were to have been put in a group together. And somewhere with all the talk I remember leaning in and Harry mimicking my actions, and the next moment we were kIssing. I remember it being so sweet and special and it was just over all amazing._

Smiling through the tears I remembered, I was scared shitless at the time to kiss him, but oh god I was so incred _i_ bly proud that i did.

_I thought that after all of that, that I finally found my happily ever after but, as usual I was wrong. Once me and Harry came out to the boys they were happy, they always suspected anyways, so it wasn't all that hard. Our families were not hard to come out to either, they loved us just the same. But then when we told out management that we wanted to come out, everything went to hell. I wasn't allowed to be with the one i loved, i wasn't allowed to be myself._

_I felt everything crashing down on me once again. They made sure me and Harry were't seen as more than 'mates' they didn't care that they were hurting me and Harry, the boys were furious at them, wanting no, wishing that they could do something'; but as usual nothing worked. They didn't care that I spent most nights crying myself to sleep, they didn't care that I was upset, they didn't care that i was depressed; no one did. Just like always no ones ever cared about me._

_I was always alone and i always will be because I don't deserve love_

_. Louis._

I quickly closed the book, taking a deep breath the calm myself as I began to read the next page


End file.
